Something goes wrong where you work. A product part is ruined, or a customer’s bill is incorrect. You started work on one set of customer orders, and discover another set was supposed to start today. All of the set-up work is wasted. You have to start all over again. Sound familiar? These things happen.

What happens next is also a familiar pattern. You:
1. Find out what is wrong (delivery date, size, specifications, etc.)
2. Find out who was responsible for doing it wrong
3. Ask the person “Did you do this?” (translation: “I know you did this. You’re stupid. Get ready to be chewed out. My goal is to make you feel bad about this. You may be punished for this.”
4. The person:
A. Denies doing it
B. Protests that it wasn’t his fault
C. Explains that she was told to do it that way
D. Explains that there was a good reason to do it that way
5. You and the person argue about whether or not he or she was responsible, and whether or not B, C, or D is true.
6. Forty-five minutes to an hour later, you are exhausted and angry. The other person is exhausted and angry. Both of you have bad feelings about the other.
7. Now you must begin to solve the problem. You may or may not have the energy to find the root cause and make sure it doesn’t happen again. The other person certainly isn’t enthusiastic about helping you solve the problem.

• the working relationship between you and this person is now strained
• your time has been wasted
• the problem still isn’t solved

Now, imagine that you try to start your car this morning and discover that you have a dead battery. Imagine what this process would look like if you applied it to the problem of a dead battery. You:
1. Find out what is wrong (turn the key, no starting noise)
2. Find out who was responsible for doing it wrong: the battery!
3. Tell the battery: “I know you did this on purpose to make me late this morning. This is your fault, you no-good battery!”
4. The battery doesn’t argue the point.
5. You say “Don’t deny it! You know it’s your fault!”
6. You feel better now that you have shouted at someone or something.
7. Now you must begin to solve the problem. You decide whether there is a neighbor who can jump-start your car, or whether you’ll have to call for service.

Pretty silly, isn’t it? Only step 1 and step 7 solve the problem. The “blaming method” wastes time and energy on activities that don’t solve the problem, and destroys any spirit of cooperation between the two people who can solve the problem. In short, it makes problem-solving longer and more difficult. Most of the energy is directed against each other, instead of at the problem.

There is a better way. I call it “triangulating the problem.”
When you triangulate the problem, you separate the person from the problem and focus on the problem. You enlist the other person as a partner against the problem. You skip from step 1 to step 7. You say to the other person: “How can we solve our immediate problem and then prevent it from happening again?” This directs the energy at the problem, instead of at the other person.

The key phrase to begin with is “How can we solve (or prevent)… (name the problem),” instead of asking “Why did you…”

You will then find the other person helping you rather than resisting you. You become partners in problem-solving rather than adversaries in a game of “Who’s to blame?” Even when the problem involves the behavior of the other person, triangulation will give you better results. Often they will name changes in their own behavior that will help solve the problem, and then commit to do it. Resistance melts away.

So, the next time you encounter a problem at work (or at home), try Triangulating the Problem.

Adapted from You Made My Day, Creating Co-Worker Recognition & Relationships, by Janis Allen & Michael McCarthy, Email: This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it '; document.write( '' ); document.write( addy_text2041 ); document.write( '<\/a>' ); //--> This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it